LET’S GET ROPEY! OH, WAIT! BEFORE WE BEGIN…
SO, you’re at a Peer Rope or a Rope Jam and you’re about to tie with someone for the first time! And you’re wondering how to start? Or perhaps you’re even sat there with someone you have tied with before… asking questions before starting a scene never hurts and circumstances are always changing. Communication is key! Here are 7 questions we’ve put together that we highly recommend kicking your scene off with.
What are your go to Q’s? Any information you’d love to know more on? Let us know below!
Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.
What’s your experience with rope bondage? Are you new to this or have prior experience?
If you’re tying with a brand new partner, it’s a great idea to gauge what kind of experience the rope bottom has as this could change the level of rope play you engage in. Further questions could aid you both in getting the most out of your experience such as; what are your intentions from our tie? Is there something you’d like to specifically explore or achieve? Do you know if you enjoy rope that is sensual, sadistic, tight, minimalist, breathy, challenging etc. Getting to know what your partner might enjoy before starting could greatly enhance everyone’s pleasure.
If you are a rigger at a peer rope jam for example and find your self in high demand, remember that you are not a “kink dispenser” and are not responsible for peoples first shibari experience. Elevate that stress and pressure to take people on an amazing journey and be kind to yourself… If someone asks to be tied, firstly, it’s okay to say no if you’re not in the right headspace, need a break or for any other reason but if you do agree to it, it’s absolutely okay if you only want to lab out a tie you’ve wanted to practice and learn, you’re not obligated to create a scene. Tying different bodies can be extremely beneficial as everyone is unique and the fantastic thing about shibari is that it is totally adaptable! Your needs are just as important as your partners needs and communication is key for any session to work.
What do we want to feel during this scene? What are we trying to accomplish?
It’s worth taking a moment to consider where your mind is at for both riggers and rope bottoms. Are you in the right headspace to safely be suspending someone? Are you after something aesthetically beautifully and challenging, to create a cool shape or pose? Or If you’re creating a “scene” together, are you after a sensuous slow free flow experience to feel cozy and connected for example or to be pushed in an area you’re working on in a rough, tight and mean way. Communicate about how you feel, your expectations and what you feel your mental capabilities are at the time. You can have different objectives for a scene - and that's fine. But make sure you do communicate and your intentions are clear with one and other. It can really help identify where you think the energy of a scene might want to go, and can also be helpful if one or both of you are having trouble dropping in to that energy, and you can adjust accordingly and be in the right headspace.
Do you have any medical conditions or injuries I should be aware of?
You can further this question and ask about allergies incase your particular rope isn’t ideal for them or it’s been treated with oils which may cause a reaction. It’s important to know about your partner’s conditions incase they suddenly need help, we recommend having any medically essentials on hand should they be required such as Asthma Inhalers or EpiPens. It’s the riggers duty of care to keep the bunny safe whilst they are being tied and should be well versed in safety protocols, the human anatomy and always carry safety shears. Being informed of injuries will help plan ahead when it comes to tying and will prevent any further injuries or unwanted discomfort/pain
How do you wish to communicate during our time together? Do you have a safe word or a verbal-cue If you need to slow down, pause or stop completely?
This question actually deserves a blog of its own however we’ll do a quick summary! It may be worth asking how fast and spacey someone goes when they’re in rope too as this can affect verbal communication. Whilst the traffic light system works well in other areas of BDSM, with Shibari, it’s harder to completely pause, slow down and stopping completely takes time as that involves untying which also is hard to predict how long exactly that will take depending on what ties are involved. For bottoms; Be aware of your circulation and nerves and communicate best you can with your partner if anything needs to change
Is there anywhere you don’t want rope and anywhere you don’t want me to touch you? Any Hard limits or boundaries I need to know about?
Feet? Hair? Neck? Face? Crotch? Perhaps even something silly like anything asymmetric feeling makes you feel uncomfortable! Many people all of a sudden realise they don’t want rope in certain places mid-scene as it didn’t cross their mind that a rigger would go there, they don’t like the sensation or they forgot to mention they don’t like their feet being touched for example. That’s absolutely fine, but having a heads up before you start and knowing your body is really handy! On the other hand, it’s also okay and fun to explore your self and work out what you do and don’t like! If you have an Idea what you’d like to do as a rigger before you begin, perhaps run that past the bunny and check they’re okay with where you’d be touching them and where the rope will sit.
Are you okay with rope marks?
Firstly, what are rope marks? You may of even heard of the phrase “rope kisses” too, here’s a brief overview of what to expect after being untied from a rope session
Rope marks are generally unavoidable (unless there is very little tension on the ropes), they’re the indentations left on the skin from the pressure of the ropes after tying. These can really vary in appearance depending on the tie, type of rope used, tightness or pressure applied, duration spent in the rope and even skin type! They can last anything from a few hours to a whole day depending on the person providing there is no accompanying bruising or petechiae.
Petechial Hemorrhaging also known as Petechiae are tiny red blood marks under the skin that last a little longer than indentations and follow the shape of the wraps in places where more pressure or pinching of the skin between the bands may have happened, these are rarer to happen but can also fade in within a few days.
What kind of after care do you typically need?
If you’re new to shibari then you may not know what kind of aftercare you need, but note that some Shibari scenes can be physically and emotionally intense. During a session, your body releases various chemicals like adrenaline, serotonin, and endorphins. When the scene ends, these levels return to normal, which can lead to a significant emotional discharge. Aftercare helps ensure a smooth transition and emotional balance and hopefully help you avoid sub or top drop. We recommend rehydrating, sipping water or a drink with electrolytes in it is always our first go to (being hydrated in general really helps your skin heal any rope marks). Having something sugary or a snack may help, grapes are a great option as they offer natural sugars and hydration! You may want a stretch after in which your partner can assist with, especially if your arms were in a TK or a strappado position! A cuddle, chat, debrief of the scene and a warm blanket are always nice options to have. After care is for both the tops and the bottoms and communication will help make sure everyone’s needs are met. If you’re happy to swap contact details, then checking in the following day to see how each other are doing is always encouraged too.
Do you need to use the toilet?
This goes for both riggers and bunnies! You’re stuck once in rope and you also can’t leave someone tied up, be prepared and ready to have the best experience!
